The Fear of Being Happy
Photo by Mike Bridson • Jalalabad, Afghanistan
Good things can feel scary and uncomfortable too, you know.
Hope can feel risky because we never know when what we hope for will dissipate, suddenly becoming something else. Sitting in the presence of good circumstances and feelings can be as challenging for some people as sitting with the bad, just in a different way.
To feel good, to embrace hope, to simply live in gratitude for the present moment is to vulnerably open ourselves to life potentially taking those things away again. Therefore, often we brace against that instead. Never feeling truly happy, never fully trusting, always avoiding the childlike sense of wonder that comes with pure happiness.
Hope stops feeling dangerous when you remember you can survive heartbreak.
Not only does past hurt teach us to anticipate loss, but media does too. Take a look at all the movies you have watched over the last few years. They all have a plot twist that involves challenge and loss, of good times going bad, even if it works out fine in the end. I used to be a fan of medical shows like Grey's Anatomy and ER, but I eventually realized it was training my mind to anticipate horrible injuries and illnesses. In a very similar way, some movies train us to anticipate emotional pain and the loss of everything good in our lives.
We are wired for survival.
This means that your nervous system stays alive by, at least to some degree, being able to anticipate what could go wrong, but these things are never meant to become full-stop, panic-inducing, fear based obstacles. This wiring is definitely not meant to take away from the happiness and enjoyment we get out of life.
Remember, the brain often mistakes familiarity for safety.
As difficult as it can be to embrace life’s hardships, we should just as fully embrace the moments of happiness, joy, and contentment that rise to meet them. To welcome it all with an open heart. Otherwise, what’s the point of this rollercoaster?
Learning to open yourself to love, joy, appreciation, and ease is a practice, especially when vulnerability feels like an emergency. But it all comes back to gratitude. Gratitude shifts your reality in an instant.
Life will always throw curveballs; we can’t stop that.
What we can do is equip ourselves so we’re no longer afraid of the emotions that come with them. And when we do, we finally free ourselves to be fully present with what’s good; with the wins, the beauty, the moments of success that deserve to be celebrated, and the simple things that just make us happy.
A QUICK SHIFT FOR YOU:
Notice the fear [“I’m waiting for this (name it) to go wrong.”]
Anchor in the present [“What’s true right now?”]
Affirm your safety [“I trust myself to handle whatever comes.”]
Let yourself feel 1% more joy, not the whole thing at once.
TRM© Protocol 000: R.E.D. is a great way to practice alchemizing and understanding your emotions the moment they happen. Download free here.
You're allowed to experience good things and feel safe in your happiness. Sometimes great things happen not to be taken away again, but so our hearts can rest in contentment and wear a smile for once, no strings attached.
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If this resonated, continue building your emotional resilience with The Art of Being Human, or explore these ideas in conversation with TRM© Resilience Ranger.
